Well I didn’t. But below is what I hope happened behind closed doors. This is just President Obama talking.
Enter Oval Office:
Okay, thank you everyone for coming. Take a seat. Not you, Congressman Boehner, you can stand. I’d tell ol’ Mitch too, but I respect the elderly.
I appreciate the laugh Nancy, but please, let’s not over do it.
So, we did a terrible job telling the public how much we did. We’re making history folks. We did almost as much as FDR’s first administration.
I can feel you rolling your eyes Boehner. Don’t make me…
Anyway, Mitch and John, are you ready to take this on? Let’s make a deal. Let me cut defense spending and let the Bush Tax cuts expire, and I’ll fly down to Hawaii with you so you can see my birth certificate.
Haha, just kidding.
For heavens sake, Nancy, wake Harry up please? It’s 2p.m. Good afternoon Harry, thanks for joining us.
This is serious; the American people are tired of the stupid-talk in the House and Senate. We need to start getting things done, and move forward.
Mitch, say “Obamacare” one more time. Please. That’s not annoying at all.
See, that’s the kind of nonsense I’m talking about. Healthcare reform has been desired since Theodore Roosevelt, and he was a republican!
Here’s what I want to do. Cut government spending. Infuse cash into the middle class and small businesses. Open more trade channels with Cuba. Give the EPA more authority over environmental issues, and have them explore the pros and cons of geo-engineering. As for Washington politics, what the hell is going on in the Senate? Harry, get your house in order. I want to you suspend the rules, and take out the rule where a single senator can stop anything.
Boehner, didn’t I tell you to stand? If you get your tan on my couch I’m going to be pissed. Thanks. Actually John and Mitch, you two can leave. Congrats on the win. Anyone can make a lay-up.
Nancy, Harry, I have a question. Since I am President, is there any way I can make Boehner…you know…?
Oh don’t look so shocked Nancy, I’m sure W thought the same thing. Seriously, Nancy, stop looking at me like that. You’re freaking me out.
Well our trick worked. We lost the House but kept the Senate. Well done. Let’s see if this works. Harry, there are beers in the fridge. Grab three. Business is over.